Embrace the Awkward: Create a safe place for tough conversations

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To be human is to be creative

Here’s something I’m sure of. Creativity is just another word for being human. One example of this is in how we approach the feeling of being awkward. Awkward is a word that comes from where we get the word backward. It is an opposing force, pushing against the grain. We feel more than annoyed. A powerful challenge to the way our brain is used to thinking ensues, testing our wits and composure.

The awkward people we live with

I imagine the scene at my dad’s wake where two family members trashed the words of the minister after attending the funeral. One was a white supremacist. The awkwardness was his lack of parenting his children as they said, “Ew, that’s gross” to friends who brought in food for the buffet. The other relative took every opportunity to share the gospel of her crystal knowledge, especially since the ones she held in her hand could increase the miles-per-gallon your car achieved. The adults in the room simply grimaced, offering no words or disappointed looks. But I boiled when they both teamed up to critique the pastor’s sermon given that morning.

I was a teenager. So, honestly, I don’t know what I said to them. But it ended their tirade. Having distant family around in a small confined space, even without such an extreme setting, will provide awkwardness. It pushes against you, regardless of if there’s a verbal tirade. We easily forgive a young person’s rash reaction. I may have been right and well to chastise two grown adults, for instance. However, mature people learn to embrace the awkward and redeem the relationship. My relatives had offensive beliefs and were rude in how they expressed them. Yet the grownup version of myself knows better how to protect boundaries.

How to embrace the awkward

When I say, “Embrace the awkward,” I am not saying to give up convictions or honor. In fact, the opposite is necessary! It requires an open mind—not a weak one—to sit at a table with people who may literally oppose you. We must rehearse it, pre-sorting potential reactions. The filter forms from asking ourselves a question. What are my convictions or conscience versus what are my comfort or preferences? Here’s an example.

My conviction is to believe all people are equally of value and honor as God’s creation.

My preference is to not sit with people who believe differently than I do or hold opposing values.

My response is to choose to sit at the table, emphasizing my values over my comforts and embrace the human beings around me. But I don’t have to change my views and I can argue, debate, and persuade the other party on one condition. I do not violate my conscience. And, I am not asking anyone else to do so, either.

Choose conscience over comfort

What we see in our world is the rejection and hypersensitivity toward anything that feels awkward. However, is my awkward feeling because of conscience or comfort? Am I lazy to learn to the lingo or am I protecting myself from harm? One says it’s ok to sit while the other warns me to save myself for another day. Take a deep breath. Pause. Listen and train yourself to embrace the awkward. Be creative, in other words. Use your imagination to design a safe place to sit where you invite tough conversations. Embrace the awkward. Our society, our families, and our mental health depend on it.