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I had one of those weeks where I felt like I was on a road trip, sharing stories on the winding drive, dreaming with new friends at the campfire, and learning that we all need people to watch out for us while hiking the treacherous inclines in our lives. The pandemic exacted a cost. We lost a bit of the magic of being present—more than I think I care to admit it. Zoom calls, texts, and socially distanced dining—known as takeout—could never replace the real thing. Sure, my favorite restaurant’s food is still tasty. But we’ve lost the carefree table banter that allowed the meal’s main entrée to connect us to each other. So, the past several days have been special with meals, coffees, and serendipitous encounters.
With all the talk about mindsets, like some I mention in my new book titled MINDBLOWN, we must never reduce our body to a mere shell controlled by a brain. We store life’s tastes, touches, and smells in our whole being. So eating with people reminds us that words are not the only thing we need to live by. We think and behave better when we sleep and eat well, right? I’d say we become nicer the more we look people in the eye and listen to their hopes, dreams, and even their disappointments. But we are out of practice. How do we re-engage with this new normal? I am not sure I have an earth-shattering answer except to say this. Let’s be intentional about regaining the muscles of social connection lost in the social distancing we endured. Here are three ways I’m attempting to exercise just that.
CONNECT: We thrive in social connection, not social distance.
A new friend this week suggested that a leading loss from the pandemic comes from even the use of terms like “social distancing.” What happens when the primary and albeit well-intentioned goal to thwart a new and deadly virus is to sever much of what keeps us connected? Our relational skills atrophy. In the aftermath, some of us feel agoraphobic for the first time because of prolonged social distancing. So, what’s the muscle we need to rebuild? Connection. The first step is to reconnect with family and friends in any way we can, whether in-person or otherwise. Pick up the phone. Have a BBQ. It feels like a new workout. But once we keep at it, we should soon find our footing.
NOTICE: See and be seen.
We just moved to a new region. Yes, there’s excitement with a new home, work, and neighborhood. But I miss my former barber! These new baristas haven’t known me enough to serve my favorite drink simply by recognizing my body language. And who can I call over to smoke a cigar to solve the problems of our age? Hospitality is a sacred calling. So, make a friend and let others into your world, too. The older I get, the harder it is to make new friends. Maybe you have a group already that you call friends. It feels good, right? We all long to be seen. The way to do this is to notice others–their stories, hopes, and jokes. So, I’m making friends with the new local coffeehouses and barbershops and everywhere I go.
THANK: Gratitude celebrates this moment.
Some of us are always dreaming about the future or solving a problem. If I am on my phone, I miss the faces and warmth of those I’m with. Sacred moments arrive all the time and all around us. It is up to us to be curious enough, aware enough, and hungry enough to enjoy them. When I am grateful for what I have, it means I am acknowledging what I have. When I complain, I am fixating on the parts of life I can’t control or change. That never ends well. Here is another muscle that requires a workout. I keep the word “gratitude” prominently on my whiteboard because I must choose each day and moment to practice it.
Connection, seeing each other, and gratitude is my resolution. None of these are measurable in the way our society usually measures goals. These are practices. Sure, they take us to a destination. But they are about a way of being more than a way of doing. What if all of life is sacred? We better not miss it, then. Join me on this road trip. There’ll be setbacks and roadblocks along the way. But this is the secret to the magic of being present. The ride matters much more than the destination.