Women struggle with porn, too

Dirtygirls Anne Jackson of Flowerdust blog today had a thought provoking article published in Relevant Magazine.  Do women struggle with porn?  Read her compelling story at Relevant:  Dirty Girls:  The New Porn Addicts.

We need to support people who have struggles in this ever-growing area–even the women we know.  I applaud Anne and hope that many women can be as courageous as she is.

Let me know what you think about this article and topic.

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Rich Kirkpatrick

Rich Kirkpatrick

Writer, Speaker, and Musician. Rich Kirkpatrick was recently rated #13 of the “Top 75 Religion Bloggers” by Newsmax.com, having also received recognition by Worship Leader Magazine as “Editor’s Choice” for the “Best of the Best” of blogs in 2011, 2014, 2015 and 2016.

32 comments

  1. Not Just for the Guys
    Dirty Girls at Rich Kirkpatrick’s … place….

  2. Not Just for the Guys
    Dirty Girls at Rich Kirkpatrick’s … place….

  3. Not Just for the Guys
    Dirty Girls at Rich Kirkpatrick’s … place….

  4. Not Just for the Guys
    Dirty Girls at Rich Kirkpatrick’s … place….

  5. With this and what is on Los’ site…I think it is VERY important in today’s society to talk about…but we aren’t for whatever reason. Especially in church. “Oh, that is bad, don’t do it…repent, I will pray for you…” So lame. This is a real struggle that we need to figure out real answers to. I think there is a healthy way of discussing it without causing a riff in our churches. My sister and I were just talking about purity, and the ladies in her Bible study concluded that under no circumstance is it ever appropriate to talk about sex with a man who isn’t your husband. What? If we are so scared of it, then this is what happens. There has to be a God honoring balance. We (God’s people) are dying in their sexual sin, and the church is doing nothing about it. Articles like Anne’s, and the ministry that Heather is involved in brings light and life to those who need it.

  6. With this and what is on Los’ site…I think it is VERY important in today’s society to talk about…but we aren’t for whatever reason. Especially in church. “Oh, that is bad, don’t do it…repent, I will pray for you…” So lame. This is a real struggle that we need to figure out real answers to. I think there is a healthy way of discussing it without causing a riff in our churches. My sister and I were just talking about purity, and the ladies in her Bible study concluded that under no circumstance is it ever appropriate to talk about sex with a man who isn’t your husband. What? If we are so scared of it, then this is what happens. There has to be a God honoring balance. We (God’s people) are dying in their sexual sin, and the church is doing nothing about it. Articles like Anne’s, and the ministry that Heather is involved in brings light and life to those who need it.

  7. With this and what is on Los’ site…I think it is VERY important in today’s society to talk about…but we aren’t for whatever reason. Especially in church. “Oh, that is bad, don’t do it…repent, I will pray for you…” So lame. This is a real struggle that we need to figure out real answers to. I think there is a healthy way of discussing it without causing a riff in our churches. My sister and I were just talking about purity, and the ladies in her Bible study concluded that under no circumstance is it ever appropriate to talk about sex with a man who isn’t your husband. What? If we are so scared of it, then this is what happens. There has to be a God honoring balance. We (God’s people) are dying in their sexual sin, and the church is doing nothing about it. Articles like Anne’s, and the ministry that Heather is involved in brings light and life to those who need it.

  8. With this and what is on Los’ site…I think it is VERY important in today’s society to talk about…but we aren’t for whatever reason. Especially in church. “Oh, that is bad, don’t do it…repent, I will pray for you…” So lame. This is a real struggle that we need to figure out real answers to. I think there is a healthy way of discussing it without causing a riff in our churches. My sister and I were just talking about purity, and the ladies in her Bible study concluded that under no circumstance is it ever appropriate to talk about sex with a man who isn’t your husband. What? If we are so scared of it, then this is what happens. There has to be a God honoring balance. We (God’s people) are dying in their sexual sin, and the church is doing nothing about it. Articles like Anne’s, and the ministry that Heather is involved in brings light and life to those who need it.

  9. I would echo that we need to be talking about this, however, (and I know I wasn’t there so I don’t have the context) while I wouldn’t say ‘under no circumstances’ I do believe we need to be cautious of the way in which this subject is brought into the light.
    I have seen too many men and women discuss sexual issues under the banner of ‘healthy, free, discussion’ that was ultimately just flirtation and playing with fire. I also have seen too many girls who don’t understand that men simply (and for the most part) cannot be ‘just’ friends with a woman.

    In appropriate settings it would be healthy to have single co-eds in a room talking about sexual issues. In appropriate settings it is healthy for men and women to spend time together. Yet both of the aforementioned circumstances need clear boundaries for health to be the true focus and goal of such relationships.

  10. I would echo that we need to be talking about this, however, (and I know I wasn’t there so I don’t have the context) while I wouldn’t say ‘under no circumstances’ I do believe we need to be cautious of the way in which this subject is brought into the light.
    I have seen too many men and women discuss sexual issues under the banner of ‘healthy, free, discussion’ that was ultimately just flirtation and playing with fire. I also have seen too many girls who don’t understand that men simply (and for the most part) cannot be ‘just’ friends with a woman.

    In appropriate settings it would be healthy to have single co-eds in a room talking about sexual issues. In appropriate settings it is healthy for men and women to spend time together. Yet both of the aforementioned circumstances need clear boundaries for health to be the true focus and goal of such relationships.

  11. I would echo that we need to be talking about this, however, (and I know I wasn’t there so I don’t have the context) while I wouldn’t say ‘under no circumstances’ I do believe we need to be cautious of the way in which this subject is brought into the light.
    I have seen too many men and women discuss sexual issues under the banner of ‘healthy, free, discussion’ that was ultimately just flirtation and playing with fire. I also have seen too many girls who don’t understand that men simply (and for the most part) cannot be ‘just’ friends with a woman.

    In appropriate settings it would be healthy to have single co-eds in a room talking about sexual issues. In appropriate settings it is healthy for men and women to spend time together. Yet both of the aforementioned circumstances need clear boundaries for health to be the true focus and goal of such relationships.

  12. I would echo that we need to be talking about this, however, (and I know I wasn’t there so I don’t have the context) while I wouldn’t say ‘under no circumstances’ I do believe we need to be cautious of the way in which this subject is brought into the light.
    I have seen too many men and women discuss sexual issues under the banner of ‘healthy, free, discussion’ that was ultimately just flirtation and playing with fire. I also have seen too many girls who don’t understand that men simply (and for the most part) cannot be ‘just’ friends with a woman.

    In appropriate settings it would be healthy to have single co-eds in a room talking about sexual issues. In appropriate settings it is healthy for men and women to spend time together. Yet both of the aforementioned circumstances need clear boundaries for health to be the true focus and goal of such relationships.

  13. Interesting, Steve…
    So the whole When Harry Met Sally debate begins…

    Can men & women just be friends?

  14. Interesting, Steve…
    So the whole When Harry Met Sally debate begins…

    Can men & women just be friends?

  15. Interesting, Steve…
    So the whole When Harry Met Sally debate begins…

    Can men & women just be friends?

  16. Interesting, Steve…
    So the whole When Harry Met Sally debate begins…

    Can men & women just be friends?

  17. I completely agree with you, that there needs to be boundaries…I was actually referring to the notion of not saying there is even a problem. It is like this hidden sin within our church…and people are literally dying in and from it. What got the conversation going in my sisters BS was that in her son’s third grade class. They passed a thing where the PE teacher is now required to teach sex ed….To the third graders. It so happens that the PE teacher is my sisters neighbor and she is good friends with his wife who they BBQ with on most weekends. So her, my brother in law, the teacher and his wife were all talking about it and discussing SEX- (God forbid), and so my sister brought that up in the Bible study…that she was talking about it with a man, who was not her husband. She said that these ladies responded with “That is completely inappropriate…because you don’t know what that caused him to think about”…I think that is a bunch of crap. They were talking about sex-ed…not having sex. I think it just gets so legalistic, and that people are so dumb. Obviously if they were talking about (fill in the blank) it would be inappropriate…but they were talking about education for the 8 year olds.

  18. I completely agree with you, that there needs to be boundaries…I was actually referring to the notion of not saying there is even a problem. It is like this hidden sin within our church…and people are literally dying in and from it. What got the conversation going in my sisters BS was that in her son’s third grade class. They passed a thing where the PE teacher is now required to teach sex ed….To the third graders. It so happens that the PE teacher is my sisters neighbor and she is good friends with his wife who they BBQ with on most weekends. So her, my brother in law, the teacher and his wife were all talking about it and discussing SEX- (God forbid), and so my sister brought that up in the Bible study…that she was talking about it with a man, who was not her husband. She said that these ladies responded with “That is completely inappropriate…because you don’t know what that caused him to think about”…I think that is a bunch of crap. They were talking about sex-ed…not having sex. I think it just gets so legalistic, and that people are so dumb. Obviously if they were talking about (fill in the blank) it would be inappropriate…but they were talking about education for the 8 year olds.

  19. I completely agree with you, that there needs to be boundaries…I was actually referring to the notion of not saying there is even a problem. It is like this hidden sin within our church…and people are literally dying in and from it. What got the conversation going in my sisters BS was that in her son’s third grade class. They passed a thing where the PE teacher is now required to teach sex ed….To the third graders. It so happens that the PE teacher is my sisters neighbor and she is good friends with his wife who they BBQ with on most weekends. So her, my brother in law, the teacher and his wife were all talking about it and discussing SEX- (God forbid), and so my sister brought that up in the Bible study…that she was talking about it with a man, who was not her husband. She said that these ladies responded with “That is completely inappropriate…because you don’t know what that caused him to think about”…I think that is a bunch of crap. They were talking about sex-ed…not having sex. I think it just gets so legalistic, and that people are so dumb. Obviously if they were talking about (fill in the blank) it would be inappropriate…but they were talking about education for the 8 year olds.

  20. I completely agree with you, that there needs to be boundaries…I was actually referring to the notion of not saying there is even a problem. It is like this hidden sin within our church…and people are literally dying in and from it. What got the conversation going in my sisters BS was that in her son’s third grade class. They passed a thing where the PE teacher is now required to teach sex ed….To the third graders. It so happens that the PE teacher is my sisters neighbor and she is good friends with his wife who they BBQ with on most weekends. So her, my brother in law, the teacher and his wife were all talking about it and discussing SEX- (God forbid), and so my sister brought that up in the Bible study…that she was talking about it with a man, who was not her husband. She said that these ladies responded with “That is completely inappropriate…because you don’t know what that caused him to think about”…I think that is a bunch of crap. They were talking about sex-ed…not having sex. I think it just gets so legalistic, and that people are so dumb. Obviously if they were talking about (fill in the blank) it would be inappropriate…but they were talking about education for the 8 year olds.

  21. To answer Rich…
    I thought it was a great blog. I have a suspicion that there are many more stories like that one out there.

    I would be interested to know just how many women looking at porn were drawn to it for the reasons given in the article. My guess would be that this is the case.

    I believe that women lust in different ways than men. Men lust after women, women lust after themselves. Men desire to look, women desire to be seen. (Painting in broad strokes here!) This is what I have observed as well as what I have been told by the women I know.

    Obviously internet porn is one of those ‘elephants in the room’ when it comes to Christian men, this is apparently true of women as well…

    It is time for the Church to take the lead in sex education! My wife and I have decided that we will home school our children because it is our responsibility to oversee our childrens education. I was taught my values about sex and morality at the age of seven by a bunch of eight year olds. I will not force my children into that environment until they are spiritually ready to handle it.

    As the only ‘organization’ on the planet that offers the possibility of real change, we should be taking the lead in all areas of life, sex (and sexual perversion) included.

    My pastor regularly referres to internet pornography in his sermons precisely because it is so rampant in the church. It is the issue of secondary importance in all of the male accountability relationships I am a part of and aware of. Were it not for the frank discussion of this issue that is ongoing in my church, I might still struggle with this issue today, praise God that he has given me victory! May He do so again tomorrow!

  22. To answer Rich…
    I thought it was a great blog. I have a suspicion that there are many more stories like that one out there.

    I would be interested to know just how many women looking at porn were drawn to it for the reasons given in the article. My guess would be that this is the case.

    I believe that women lust in different ways than men. Men lust after women, women lust after themselves. Men desire to look, women desire to be seen. (Painting in broad strokes here!) This is what I have observed as well as what I have been told by the women I know.

    Obviously internet porn is one of those ‘elephants in the room’ when it comes to Christian men, this is apparently true of women as well…

    It is time for the Church to take the lead in sex education! My wife and I have decided that we will home school our children because it is our responsibility to oversee our childrens education. I was taught my values about sex and morality at the age of seven by a bunch of eight year olds. I will not force my children into that environment until they are spiritually ready to handle it.

    As the only ‘organization’ on the planet that offers the possibility of real change, we should be taking the lead in all areas of life, sex (and sexual perversion) included.

    My pastor regularly referres to internet pornography in his sermons precisely because it is so rampant in the church. It is the issue of secondary importance in all of the male accountability relationships I am a part of and aware of. Were it not for the frank discussion of this issue that is ongoing in my church, I might still struggle with this issue today, praise God that he has given me victory! May He do so again tomorrow!

  23. To answer Rich…
    I thought it was a great blog. I have a suspicion that there are many more stories like that one out there.

    I would be interested to know just how many women looking at porn were drawn to it for the reasons given in the article. My guess would be that this is the case.

    I believe that women lust in different ways than men. Men lust after women, women lust after themselves. Men desire to look, women desire to be seen. (Painting in broad strokes here!) This is what I have observed as well as what I have been told by the women I know.

    Obviously internet porn is one of those ‘elephants in the room’ when it comes to Christian men, this is apparently true of women as well…

    It is time for the Church to take the lead in sex education! My wife and I have decided that we will home school our children because it is our responsibility to oversee our childrens education. I was taught my values about sex and morality at the age of seven by a bunch of eight year olds. I will not force my children into that environment until they are spiritually ready to handle it.

    As the only ‘organization’ on the planet that offers the possibility of real change, we should be taking the lead in all areas of life, sex (and sexual perversion) included.

    My pastor regularly referres to internet pornography in his sermons precisely because it is so rampant in the church. It is the issue of secondary importance in all of the male accountability relationships I am a part of and aware of. Were it not for the frank discussion of this issue that is ongoing in my church, I might still struggle with this issue today, praise God that he has given me victory! May He do so again tomorrow!

  24. To answer Rich…
    I thought it was a great blog. I have a suspicion that there are many more stories like that one out there.

    I would be interested to know just how many women looking at porn were drawn to it for the reasons given in the article. My guess would be that this is the case.

    I believe that women lust in different ways than men. Men lust after women, women lust after themselves. Men desire to look, women desire to be seen. (Painting in broad strokes here!) This is what I have observed as well as what I have been told by the women I know.

    Obviously internet porn is one of those ‘elephants in the room’ when it comes to Christian men, this is apparently true of women as well…

    It is time for the Church to take the lead in sex education! My wife and I have decided that we will home school our children because it is our responsibility to oversee our childrens education. I was taught my values about sex and morality at the age of seven by a bunch of eight year olds. I will not force my children into that environment until they are spiritually ready to handle it.

    As the only ‘organization’ on the planet that offers the possibility of real change, we should be taking the lead in all areas of life, sex (and sexual perversion) included.

    My pastor regularly referres to internet pornography in his sermons precisely because it is so rampant in the church. It is the issue of secondary importance in all of the male accountability relationships I am a part of and aware of. Were it not for the frank discussion of this issue that is ongoing in my church, I might still struggle with this issue today, praise God that he has given me victory! May He do so again tomorrow!

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